


An Immortal’s Guide to Camping

by GailWritesThatGayStuff (CharaCatWarrior)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Camping, Confessions of love, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I am going to hell for this, I’ll update more as time goes on, M/M, Masturbation, No beta we fall like Crowley, Smut, a lot of smut, i can’t write smut, see you there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:36:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharaCatWarrior/pseuds/GailWritesThatGayStuff
Summary: They go camping. What else can I say?Oh, yeah, smut.Also love confessionsAnd I have never written smut before this so please don’t kill me
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

It was a day like any other day after the Apocanope (as Crowley had deemed it), and Aziraphale sat on his favorite chair in the back of his shop, his well-worn leather armchair older than any human alive, but still miraculously in tact. He was reading one of his Oscar Wilde first editions when he heard the door open.   
“We’re closed right now, sorry,” he shouted in the general direction of the door, still absorbed in his book.  
“Aw, even for me Angel?” Replied Crowley’s distinct voice in mock sadness.  
Aziraphale poked his head out from the backroom with a smile.  
“Oh, my dear boy! Come on in! Would you like some tea?” The angel offered.  
“Actually, I brought some of that wine we enjoyed from Paris. Care for a drink?”  
“Oh, of course! You’re so thoughtful!” At this, Crowley blushed and shot him a glare that was not quite angry, just annoyed.   
“You’re not supposed to say that, angel.” Aziraphale had expected that reaction.  
“And why is that? We’ve both been discharged from our head offices, we can do whatever we want!”  
“Yeah, well, I’m a demon, I’m not thoughtful.” The decidedly thoughtful demon replied.  
“Well, agree to disagree. Come on back, we can have some of that wine!” He took the demon’s hand (something Crowley could never quite get used to), and led him to the back of the shop, where Crowley had already miracled two wine glasses of a quite generous size. Seeing this, Aziraphale smiled and sat down, with Crowley following suit.  
“So I have a proposition.” Crowley said, as he filled the two wine glasses.  
”Seeing as you have brought alcohol, I can assume this is a proposition I’m not much going to like.” The angel smiled as he took a sip of his wine.  
“Well, I’ll admit, this is just a little bit out of your comfort zone, but I like to think it’s in a good way!”  
“Ok then, what is it?”  
“Well, Adam, Warlock and their friend group along with Newt and Anathema are planning a three day camping trip, and they have invited us to join them.” Crowley took a sip of his wine, preparing for whatever argument the angel was sure to have about the general dirtiness of camping.  
“I think that’s a wonderful idea!” Crowley gave him a surprised look. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, you know I enjoy human activities, and while I will admit I’ve never been camping before, I’ve heard it’s very enjoyable when done with people you care about!” Crowley tried not to think about the implications of that last bit. “So, you’re sure you’d be okay with spending multiple days outside? In a tent? With dirt and bugs?”  
“Well, I will say I’d definitely need to wear something other than my normal apparel for this type of occasion, but yes, I think it would be fun to experience nature!”  
“Well, if you’re sure about this...” Crowley decided not to tell him that camping was often romanticized in human media.  
“So when is this camping trip?”  
“Well, we’re meeting at the campground in Tadfield in two days, so Wednesday, and then leaving Saturday.”  
“Alright then! I’ll be ready by then! In the meantime, more alcohol?” Asked the angel as he noticed the empty bottle of wine.  
“You know me too well, angel.” Crowley grinned.  
They drank the night away, and Crowley reluctantly left for his flat around 3 A.M, sobering up before the drive.

The next day, Crowley was following his normal routine of yelling at his plants when he heard his phone ring. Seeing it was from Aziraphale (listed in his phone as “Angel” followed by three hearts), he answered.  
“Hey angel.”  
“Oh, Crowley, good, you answered. I’m having some trouble figuring out what to pack. What items will be provided and what will I need to bring?” Crowley stifled his laughter.  
“Angel, it’s just camping, bring a few days worth of clothes, something you can wear in water, and you’ll be fine.”  
“Oh, thank you dear, I’m just getting a bit nervous.” He could hear the angel’s anxiety through the phone.  
“Angel, all you need to worry about are the bears.” Hearing Aziraphale’s gasp, Crowley laughed. “I’m kidding, don’t worry. The worst thing you’ll encounter is mosquitoes, or worse, small children.”   
“Okay, I suppose I’m just not sure I’ll be any good at camping.”  
“Camping isn’t something to be ‘good’ at, angel, it’s an experience. It’s like reading. Some people read faster, some read slower, but as long as you’re enjoying it, it doesn’t matter.”  
“When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound so scary... Thank you, Crowley.”  
“Of course, angel. Now get back to packing, and don’t forget the bear spray.” He hung up.  
Back in the bookshop, Aziraphale set the phone down. “I’m going to assume that was a joke, because if not...” He shuddered. “Well, I know what kind of clothes to pack, I’ve just got to figure out which clothes to pack.” He opened his closet. “Why do I only own formal apparel...” He ended up picking out a few button-up shirts of various sleeve-lengths and colors, along with some khaki shorts. Once he was satisfied with his choices, he neatly folded them and placed them in a small suitcase, along with a miracled can of bear spray, just in case.   
Just then, he had an idea. “I have some books on camping here somewhere...”  
He ended up picking a book which he remembered had a camping scene. What he failed to remember was that the camping scene also included a sex scene between the two main characters. ‘Well, no use in stopping now..’ the angel thought.  
As he read, his mind drifted to Crowley.

At this point, dear reader, it’s worth assessing Aziraphale’s feelings toward Crowley, because he has a lot of them. He is in love with Crowley, and has known that since the blitz. But he’s lusted after Crowley just as long. Of course he’s acted on it a few times when he’s alone, imagining it was Crowley’s hand stroking his cock instead of his own. He had imagined many scenarios (the wall-push scene being one of his favorites to imagine going differently), but he had never tried to make any of these fantasies come to fruition, fearing Crowley would never love someone like him. Little did Aziraphale know, Crowley did in fact love someone like him. Crowley had been in love with Aziraphale since the beginning, and had been thinking the exact same thing about Aziraphale. If either of them were brave (or smart) enough, they could end the years of pining whenever they so chose.   
However, that wasn’t on Aziraphale’s mind as he continued to read his book, palming himself through his pants. He snapped to shut the windows and lock the door, cautious of being seen like this. What would Crowley think of him like this, desperately masturbating while thinking of him? The thought had Aziraphale even more aroused, so with a snap, he miracled his trousers and pants, along with his book, off to somewhere safe and wrapped a hand around his aching cock. He bit back a moan as he stroked himself to completion, coming with a loud groan. He leaned back in his chair, miracling the mess away and replacing all his clothes with a white robe. ‘I definitely needed that.’

Back at Crowley’s flat, he had just finished packing his bag when he had a thought. ‘Will I be sharing a tent with Aziraphale?’ And boy was that a thought. Shoveling the dirty thoughts out of his mind, he started to form a plan: Ask Adam to arrange for Crowley and Aziraphale to share a tent... Well, it wasn’t much of a plan admittedly. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, after all, he ‘goes too fast’. He grabbed his phone to text Adam, who instantly replied with “Are you finally gonna confess your undying love for Aziraphale??”  
Crowley blushed; even the 11-year-old knew about his feelings. “No.” He replied.  
“Fine, but you gotta do it one of these days.”  
“Or I could, you know, not.”  
“Your loss. But yes, you two can share a tent”  
“Thx Adam”  
“Np”  
It was then that Crowley realized that he hadn’t told Aziraphale to bring a sleeping bag. Since they would (presumably) be sharing a tent, would it be too presumptuous to bring a two-person sleeping bag? Or should he just bring an extra? Or maybe Aziraphale would already know to bring one? All this thinking was hurting Crowley’s head, so he did what he always did to deal with his problems: he took a nap. Setting an alarm for two hours from now, he flopped onto his bed, sliding under the extremely comfortable silk covers and miracling himself into a set of black pajamas. After a moment or two of trying to sleep, however, he opened his eyes. “What?” He asked the tent in his pajama pants accusingly. “Okay, fine.” He slid off his pants and began to stroke himself. Unfortunately, his mind drifted straight to Aziraphale. The little moans he makes when he eats, the gentle smile when he sees Crowley come in, his little pout he would use to get Crowley to do what he wants, every little thing made Crowley crazy. ‘I shouldn’t wank to Aziraphale, he’s so innocent, there’s no way he’d-‘ his thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. With a sigh, he reached over for it, preparing to decline whatever spam call it was, when he noticed it was Aziraphale again. Taking a deep breath, he answered the phone.  
“Crowley?”  
“Yes angel?”  
“Could I sleep with you?” Crowley choked in what must have been an audible manner, as Aziraphale quickly corrected himself.  
“I mean, could I share a tent with you. I’d rather not be out there by myself, and i get along with you the best, so I just thought-“  
“Yeah, sure angel.”  
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you put up with me if you don’t want to.”  
“Angel, I have never ‘put up’ with you in my life. When you’ve been there, it’s only ever been amazing. Of course I’ll share a tent with you.”   
“...”  
“Angel, are you there?”  
“Yes, I just... thank you, Crowley.”  
Forgoing his usual argument about thanking him, he replied with a simple “of course, angel.”  
“Goodbye Crowley.”  
“Goodbye Aziraphale.”  
He hung up. Setting his phone down, he realized that was the closest he’d ever come to confessing his feelings to Aziraphale.


	2. In which an angel plus a lake does not mean anything good.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, they be piningggg

The day finally came of the camping trip. Crowley woke up early that morning, trading his usual several layers of clothes for a black silk button-up and some tight black jeans. Checking himself in the mirror, he headed toward his plant room to do is daily yelling.  
His phone went off, signaling a call. Reaching for it, he smiled as he noticed it was Aziraphale calling.

“Hey angel.”  
“Hello Crowley, I was wondering, when are we going to the campsite?” Crowley grinned at Aziraphale’s quite obvious enthusiasm.   
“I figured I’d drive by your shop around 10 this morning to pick you up?”  
“Okay, sounds good, see you then!”  
“See you, angel.” Aziraphale hung up. Crowley smiled and checked the clock. ‘9:30 already?’ He thought. He finished spraying his plants and headed for the door.  
“Behave, or else.” He threatened to the plants.

Aziraphale checked his watch. ‘9:50, Crowley should be here any time...’ he thought. As if on cue, he heard the distinct sound of Freddie Mercury playing outside the shop, so he grabbed his suitcase and looked outside. Sure enough, Crowley gave him a wave from the front seat of the Bentley. Aziraphale waved back and headed outside.  
“Hello again, angel!” Crowley greeted as he stepped out of the car.  
“Hello Crowley!”  
“Let me get that for you.” Crowley took the bag from Aziraphale, placing it carefully in he back seat of the car, and opening the passenger’s side door for the angel.  
“Oh, thank you! You’re so polite!” Aziraphale sat down and pretended not to notice the blush forming on Crowley’s face.  
“Oh shut up,” He replied with no real bite behind his words as he took his seat.

Soon they were off, Crowley driving at a normal speed for once and Aziraphale staring out the window. As if the Bentley could read the demon’s thoughts (it probably could), the song “Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy” started playing through the speakers.   
“Son of a-“ Crowley was cut off by the Bentley turning the sound up on “OOOH LOVER BOOOY”  
Aziraphale giggled, failing to hide his amusement.  
“Oh not you too, angel...” The demon sighed.

They reached the campsite not long after that, having spent the rest of the ride listening to other Queen hits (with the honorable additions of “Highway to Hell” and “Stairway to Heaven”).   
“Hello Crowley! Hello Aziraphale!” Adam called out to them as Crowley parked the Bentley in a somewhat legal parking spot.  
After a brief greetings, Anathema called for the group’s attention.  
“Seeing as we’re all here, I’d like to go over our plans. First, Adam will be dividing you all up into pairs to share tents, and then you will go attempt to pitch those tents, which I expect will lead to... varying degrees of success.” She looked at Crowley, who gave an indignant snort. “Then we’ll gather firewood and cook lunch.” Aziraphale smiled at this, clearly excited about food. “And then we’ll play in the lake for a while before having dinner.”  
“So, here are your groups. Adam, take it away.”  
“Group one, Anathema and Newt!” Newt smiled as Adam said this.  
“Group two, me and Warlock!” Warlock gave his trademark eye roll.  
“Group three, Crowley and Aziraphale, obviously.” That last part he said with a smile that looked quite a few years above his age.  
“And, finally, group four, Wensleydale and Brian.” The two smiled, then shot a confused look at Pepper, who cleared her throat.  
“Because I don’t want to share a tent with boys, I will be on my own.” Pepper stated.  
There was a general murmur of “yeah, that’s fair.”  
“With that out of the way, each group can grab one of the tent bags and begin setting up your tents.” Adam gestured to the picnic table, on top of which were five bags of various colors. Everyone headed for the table, Brian and Wensleydale running to get their first pick, however facing an argument with Pepper over the blue tent. (Pepper ended up winning.) Anathema and Newt took the green tent, Warlock and Adam chose the black tent, and after some deliberation, Wensleydale and Brian grabbed the orange tent, leaving Crowley and Aziraphale with the red tent. Each group went their separate ways to set their tents up, with Crowley leading Aziraphale to a spot nearest to the lake.  
“Have you ever set up a tent before, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked, opening the bag and pouring its contents onto the ground.  
“No, but it can’t be that hard.”   
It was that hard.  
“Satan bless it, what is this stick for?” Crowley held a long pole up.  
“I think that goes through this hole? Here, you stand here and pull the pole through, I’ll feed it through on this side.”  
“...it’s not coming through.” Crowley bent down and took his sunglasses off to look through the hole, only to have the pole hit him in the eye as Aziraphale finally managed to shove it through.  
“Ow, fuck!”  
“Oh dear! I’m so sorry! Are you okay??” Aziraphale asked, abandoning the tent to run to Crowley.  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just in a lot of pain, no big deal.” Crowley rubbed his eye.  
“I’ll go see if anyone has an ice pack or anything. Stay here.” The angel ran off towards Anathema.  
“Maybe he was on to something...”

“Crowley, I brought an ice pack and- Oh, you set up the tent!”   
“Yup, your idea worked.” Crowley replied proudly as Aziraphale walked to him.  
“Your eye looks bad though...”  
“When doesn’t it...” Crowley mumbled as Aziraphale brought the ice pack to his eye. The moment it touched it, Crowley winced.  
“You alright?”  
“Yeah, it’s just cold.”  
“Gee, I wonder why.” Aziraphale replied sarcastically.  
Just then, Anathema called for their attention from where she was standing on a picnic table.  
“It looks like everyone got their tents up, with only a few injuries!” She looked from Crowley to where Warlock stood with a fresh bandage on his knee. “Time to gather some firewood! There’s forest everywhere, try to find some dry sticks. Whoever brings the most back by,” she checked her watch, “11:30 wins! I’m excluding myself, Newt, and Aziraphale and Crowley from this simply because we are older. Now go!”  
The children ran off in all directions.  
“As for you guys, I brought some fruit and hard lemonade if you all want, it’s in the freezer where Aziraphale got the ice pack.” She jumped off the picnic table and began talking to Newt.  
Crowley looked over to Aziraphale. “Shall we get something to drink?” The demon asked.  
“Sure! I don’t think I’ve ever had hard lemonade. What is it?”  
“I believe it’s just lemonade with alcohol.”  
“Oh, it sounds quite nice! Let’s go!”

After a while of sitting at the picnic table, Aziraphale munching on grapes and Crowley opting just for hard lemonade, the children all came running back.

“Alright, everyone set your firewood down!” Called Anathema, so Crowley and Aziraphale turned to watch.

Wensleydale had the most, followed closely by pepper, then Adam, Brian, and Warlock in last (he had chosen just to sit and watch).

“Wensleydale is our winner, and as such, he receives a chocolate bar!” She handed him a chocolate bar. “YES! I got seven splinters but it was totally worth it!” Wensleydale cheered, not noticing the others’ looks of concern. Newt ushered the still celebrating child over to a table labeled “first aid station” which he had set up while they were out, as Anathema spoke up again.  
“Okay, for those of us who are not in immediate danger of an infected wound or seven, time to play in the lake!” She had barely gotten the words out when the children ran towards the lake, jumping in, clothes-be-damned.  
“Shall we, my dear boy?” Aziraphale asked, holding his hand out to Crowley.  
“Of course. Let’s go.” He took the hand offered to him and walked with Aziraphale to the lake.

“I’m curious, have you ever been swimming?” Asked Aziraphale.  
“Well, not purposefully. There was that time in Italy-“  
“Ah, yes, when you tried to start an argument and you got pushed into the river!” Aziraphale stifled laughter.  
“You had to fish me out, that was not fun at all!” Crowley laughed.  
“I must say, you looked like the rather dashing, if not rather soggy and upset, snake that you are!” Aziraphale’s smile was bright enough to light up a small universe.  
Crowley blushed. “Hey, I’m hot even when I’m nearly drowning, what better compliment could I receive?” He joked. “So how about you? Have you ever been swimming?”  
“Well, yes, once, but it was a long time ago...”   
“Maybe you could try again now! It’ll be fun! Come on!”   
“Fine, only if you do too!”  
Crowley took off sprinting to the water’s edge. Aziraphale hadn’t realized they were that close to the water! However, all of Aziraphale’s realizing stopped when he saw Crowley was taking off his shirt and  
‘oh no he’s hot!’ Aziraphale put a hand over his mouth. He didn’t say that out loud, did he? Well, even if he did, it seems no one noticed in their rush to get in the water. He turned his head back to Crowley, who was waving at him. The demon gestured to the dock, making his way toward it. He reached the end of the dock and jumped. A moment after the splash had gone, there was no sign of Crowley, and Aziraphale started to worry. He ran towards the dock, but by the time he had almost reached it, he saw another splash, and Crowley emerged from the water.   
“It’s fucking cold as ass!” He yelled.  
“Crowley, there are children around!”  
“Oh, right, it’s fucking cold as butt!” Aziraphale sighed and smiled. He went to get in the water.  
“You’re really going to wear khakis and a button-up in the lake?”  
“I mean, yeah..”  
“You could at least, you know, take off your shirt like everyone else if you want to.” Crowley blushed. “No pressure though!”  
Aziraphale blushed and looked around. Even the children had removed their shirts (Except Pepper, who had actually thought to bring a swimsuit). So, with a deep breath, he started unbuttoning his blue button-up. Once the last button was done, he noticed Crowley trying not to stare, which he assumed was because of his... larger stomach area. “I just-“ before Aziraphale could finish, he saw Crowley mouth “beautiful”, causing him to blush. He stepped into the water, eventually opting to run right in, enjoying the way the water cooled his blushing. He headed toward Crowley, eventually getting to where his feet couldn’t touch the bottom, before he had a realization.  
...  
He didn’t know how to swim.  
“Oh shit!” Aziraphale cried as his head went fully underwater (actually it sounded more like “oh *gurgling noise*).  
Crowley’s eyes widened and he swam over to Azirapahle and grabbed his hand, pulling him out from under the water. Aziraphale poked his head up, used a hand to wipe the water off his eyes, and then, to Crowley’s surprise, he laughed.   
“Well, now we’re even on the whole ‘almost drowning’ thing!” The angel said in a cheery, good natured tone.  
“I guess you’re right.” Crowley laughed with him.  
What happened next was a blur. If you had asked who leaned in first, they would each say the other did. They inched closer and closer until-  
“Crowley! Aziraphale! Come play tag with us!” Adam shouted.   
They both looked over, looking much like a deer in headlights, to see the children swimming around in the water. Crowley noticed Anathema was watching him and Aziraphale, but when he looked at her she turned away.  
“I think tag sounds nice, what about you?” Aziraphale asked Crowley with a smile.  
“Sure, but you guys better go fast because I’m it!” He shouted, diving into the water to swim after the squealing children.  
They played for another hour, until everyone started to get hungry.  
“Who’s ready for lunch?” Newt asked. All the children cheered.  
“Good! There’s a grill here, so you guys go see what I have in the cooler and I’ll fire up the grill!” The children ran out of the water, racing towards the cooler, Newt following behind them.  
Aziraphale smiled, still standing waste deep in the lake, thinking about his earlier discussion with Crowley and how it had almost ended in...  
Crowley popped his head up from in front of Aziraphale, causing him to jump and make a sound that Aziraphale would not admit was a very girly scream.  
“Rahhh, I’m a shark!” The demon smiled.  
“Oh no, whatever shall I do?” Aziraphale smiled back.  
“You better run, I’m coming for you!”   
Aziraphale took a deep breath and submerged himself in the lake, swimming as fast as he could in the other direction. Once he had gone a while out, he stood back up and looked around. No sign of Crowley anywhere. He smiled, thinking he had outdone the demon until he felt a pair of arms around his waist from behind him.  
“Gotcha!” The demon shouted.  
Aziraphale laughed, startled. He leaned his head back onto Crowley’s shoulder and looked up at him.  
“You’ve always been one step ahead of me, my dear boy.”  
“Always will be.”   
There was silence for a moment. Crowley’s head was racing. This was it, this was the moment he worked up the courage to kiss Aziraphale, he could do it, he would do it, he- “we should get back to the shore, I’m sure lunch will be ready soon.” The worlds left his mouth before he could stop them and Crowley internally slapped himself.  
Aziraphale looked disappointed. “You’re right.” He smiled. “Last one to shore is a loser!” The angel said, laughing, and he took off running, the demon following close behind.   
Aziraphale had almost reached the shore, he was now only up to his shins in water. He turned his head to look at Crowley. “Ha! I’ve beaten y-“ his foot slipped, and he felt himself hit the water, then the ground, and everything went black.

Crowley gasped. He ran to Aziraphale, picking him up and carrying him bridal style.   
“Angel, can you hear me?” No response. Anathema ran to him and looked at Aziraphale in his arms, feeling his pulse. “He seems to be fine, just a minor concussion. He’ll wake up in a few hours at most.”  
“I’ll go lay him down on a sleeping bag.’  
“Good. I’ll go get an ice pack.”  
“Thank you Ana.” Anathema rushed off.  
“Angel, I swear to someone, you’re the clumsiest person I know...” He brought Aziraphale to the tent, carefully laying him down.   
“I brought some fruit and a glass of water as well.” Anathema said, entering the tent.  
“Thank you.” She placed the fruit and water beside him and gently set the ice pack on the angel’s forehead, where a red bump was already starting to form.  
“I’m gonna keep an eye on the kids.” She said.  
“Alright, I’ll stay here with Aziraphale.” The witch nodded at him and started off, leaving Crowley to close the tent and take a seat next to the angel.  
“I wish I could tell you how I feel, but you’ll never love me back. I’m a demon, I’m not worthy of your love.” He ranted to Aziraphale’s sleeping body.  
“I’ll be by your side as long as you want me here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be within a week, and I promise they’ll kiss at least once in that.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll update within two weeks hopefully


End file.
